I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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