She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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