Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
