Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Two words: blizzard sex
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
