So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
