so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
