Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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