Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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