just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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