cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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