how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
