Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
