Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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