Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
