Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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