your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
