I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
