Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
