With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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