Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize