I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
