This is not my ceiling
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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