There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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