omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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