so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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