I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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