why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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