we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
