Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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