I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
