im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
