No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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