summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
