addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
