My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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