did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
