but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
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