And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
