Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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