and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
