I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Randomize
