I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
