Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
