i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
