I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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