apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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