I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just threw up on my dentist
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
