My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
