don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
