i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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