I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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