Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
