she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
