I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
