I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
is wine microwaveable?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
