1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
