Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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