I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
