We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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