I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
