My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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