she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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