I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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