I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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