I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
