He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he fucked my hip out of place.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize