Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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