do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
pop tarts are not kleenex
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
