you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The maid of honor just puked.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
