Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
