i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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