i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
