I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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