the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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