my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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