I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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