Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize