Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
