He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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