pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
