toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
