you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
