the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
